Life can get you tangled in ways that you may not expect it. Even if those lines that twist your life aren’t all bad, it can still take a hold of you that can require a pause. For the past two months I have been so fortunate to see beautiful landscapes, meet some incredible people and take a step back to understand my life. My life is one that has been in a tangle for far too long and I am so ready for it to all unravel to see my path again.
Escaping is always key for me to settle back into myself. I am sure we all have our own desire of that and need for it. My life seemed to be set, planned, but yet since my heart surgery a couple years ago I have been embedded in understanding, misguidance, redirecting and consumption that has forced my life to not have a clear view. I have truly felt that my head has been barely above water, not being able to know why my health has gone down hill, while still continuing to have the same motivation for life that I have had my entire life. Putting everything together and wondering if I will ever get better is a constant thought within my mind. Where will my path lead? I have no idea.
For the past two months I was so incredibly blessed to spend time with my sister within Arizona and Mexico to not only escape, but truly to be embedded in the culture and step away from a completely different environment that I am settled in in my day to day routine. I also got the fortunate opportunity to go to Cleveland Clinic to try to figure out how to make all my heart issues and chronic illnesses become more manageable so I can live life. To see these places it truly made me want to move forward in my life differently. I am so ready to be out and have my life, but I completely understand that my life is going to be different then I originally thought, I am ready to understand what my life will look like. God has a plan for each of us and I know I have to be patient, but oh how I am so ready to understand where at least the next ten feet is supposed to look like.
My blog has been so much fun and I will continue it, but I have such little energy right now and I want to focus most of it on my people and trying to figure out how I can be my best self to love those people to my fullest ability. I have been given such an incredible blessing to have my community grow immensely the last few months and I know I have a huge support team and they have a strong supporter in me. I understand where I am within my health now after Cleveland Clinic and I may never get the simplest desires I have, but right now I want to focus on trying to be the best within my new normal. This unfortunately means that my blog will be somewhat on a pause. I have had such great success with my blog in the past and then when I revamped I wanted to start completely over and I know it may seem off to pause, but right now I know my limits, what I can do, I know what I am passionate about within the work industry (design and community) and knowing I may not be able to ever work again, I know I need to find my path and it doesn’t look how I thought it would but I need to discover it and figure out where God wants me and how I can be used best by him. So before I continue my blog and use the energy I have on wondering around trying to figure out how my blog fits within my life, I am going to pause. It is time to finally be ok with my new normal and figure out what it means for me.
As I am untangling and trying to figure out where all the links lead and which one I am supposed to truly go down, I will be thinking of you all and looking forward to reconnect. I wish my revamp of the blog was nearly as exciting as my old my blog, but unfortunately my health has been the focus of my life and I need to take the time to figure out how it won’t be such a controlling factor, I am looking to seek my new normal and where my path truly is supposed to go.
I will miss you, but I will be back!
If you didn’t see my Arizona photos on Instagram make sure to check them out!
Have a beautiful summer and soak in all the sun you can, the friends you have and the moments that you can create!